A little request

Hello dear friends and family!

One more week left of work for me! I really, really, really can't wait! Really. Which is where my little request comes in. If my last week of work is anything like the past three since I gave my notice, I'm going to need some help. So, if you could please send thoughts/prayers/good vibes my way, I will greatly appreciate it. And while you're at it, send some for poor Bryan, too, who has been putting up with this roller coaster.

Let me explain.

The first few days I gave my notice were so relieving. I was happy to have it all off my chest and in the open. I gave four weeks notice in order to help them set up for success after my departure. I had such a supportive and positive response from my superiors, and especially from our CEO. I told him in person (very glad I did) and just got an amazing outpouring of love and support. I told a few others, but didn't exactly know the etiquette of how to tell the rest of the company. I thought that the information would just... flow. It really didn't and at the end of the week, I became stressed as to how I was supposed to handle everything and tell everyone.

At the start of the next week, people began to find out. And again, the love and support was amazing. One co-worker, Alex, came up to me with tears in his eyes, and others offered whatever support for us they could. Near the middle of the week, though, I began getting some bad vibes. I was subjected to some passive-aggressive comments from my boss that really put me in a big fun and pissed me off, too. I had been working my butt off to set things up and then I got some nasty comments thrown my way. So, I took Thursday as a sick day (or should I call it a pissed off day?). Friday, well, fridays are easier. That weekend was great to get to take dad into the labs (and was so nice not to have anyone else around!).

This week proved to be pretty interesting. Wednesday, after a set of project meetings, someone came up to me and said: "What are we going to do without you? Seriously." And that quote is basically the best description of my week I can come up with. So many questions, little things going wrong, it all got to me this week. I think I screamed as I was walking away from the building (or at least felt like screaming) more than twice a day. Once on my way to lunch, and once while walking to my car to go home. It actually came out as a full-bellied scream once that bounced off the walls of the surrounding hospital. I am so ready to be done, but I can't be yet. I guess I can mysteriously come down with some ailment so I can use all my sick time next, but I really would leave too many people in the dark.

I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I know I need to "give up" and let them all handle these things and not being able to. Let it go! Let them worry! I KNOW that's what I need to do and it's the right thing to do. And even the sane thing to do. I'm starting to become convinced that it would be physically impossible to do it. Take today: when you work with $500,000 machines and electricians need to move them and there is no one else around who has even touched one of these machines before, I cannot let that happen without my help. I had to organize a full effort to get these machines moved in a safe manner. Safe, not just for the value, but with the wrong pressure changes, the machines can blow up. I should have been paid more.

So, thank you for listening to my rant as I sit here Friday afternoon with a beer (yes, I left work early because it became too much to handle and came home, opened a beer and started writing). As you can see, I'm going to need your help (and Bryan too for never hearing the end of this!). Good feelings sent our way please! I'm going to need your help (and a lot of alcohol) to get through the week! Luckily, I think that the week will fly by and it'll just be one big celebration. As much as I try to avoid celebrations about me, I think that the more parties this week, the faster the week will go, so keep 'em coming!

Thanks in advance for the good thoughts and I'll keep you updated! I am so ready to move onto the next phase in my life. The next step is so exciting and I am so thankful I am headed the way I am. We have a fun weekend planned (go USA!), and I hope to keep enough alcohol in me to keep me relaxed. Also helping is good family and friends like all of you. You're the best. We love you.